Must-have sex therapy books inspiring my retreat seminars

Back when I first started thinking about becoming a sex therapist, there weren’t a lot of resources readily available outside academic libraries (when I went back for a Specialist degree in Sexual Diversity Studies, I was that student that gobbled every single resource on the reading lists. People, I was tired). Thankfully, the field is changing, gaining more respect and – more importantly – more funding in sexual health research. So I continue to add to my own reading lists. I’m that person who gets excited to answer when someone asks what sex therapy books I’d recommend if they’re a bookgeek like me. I’m also that person who will recommend a book even when not asked.

Oh.So.Many.Books.

I’ve got a significant library building up, and as I was researching the educational foundation for my retreat for sex therapists (now called Kokoro:Quebec), three particular titles kept returning to my brain. I’ll list them here, along with a few others that are informing the intellectual explorations at our retreat.

New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives

3rd Edition; edited by Peggy J. Kleinplatz.

If you’ve been in the field of sex therapy or sex education, you’ve likely come across any of the three editions of New Directions. An amazing compendium of research, many of my specific interests sprouted from these pages. For Kokoro:Quebec, we’ll pick up on the work of Barry McCarthy, Lana Wald Ross, and Michael Metz on the ‘Good Enough Sex‘ model (which I’m more inclined to just call it the ‘Good Sex’ model, but potato pohtatoe), explore key points and why it works as a successful treatment for those who are socialized to believe ‘all sex has to be perfect all the time’ and are frustrated when it’s not.

An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy: Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color

edited by Reece M. Malone, Marla Renee Stewart, Mariotta Gary-Smith, James C. Wadley.

How much education or training did you get about cultural competency in your undergrad or grad programs? It was likely an isolated course, or at least a text book. What I know I didn’t get was substantial training on how sex and racialized indentities are multiplied for many of our clients (as a Latina, I certainly understand what it means to be seen in a certain sexual light). So I was happy to see an academic anthology of such experiences in An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy. This book is a must for any sex therapist’s education.

Erotically Queer: A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners

edited by Silva Neves and Dominic Davies.

When I was in my practicum at a mid-sized clinic, I finally came face-to-face with intense ignorance of queer identities (my privilege and well-honed self-protection strategies developed in my youth insulated a lot of my life against such ignorance). This included someone pulling out the ‘gay friend’ card when I enquired about the lack of affirming practices. Suffice it to say, I never went back to that clinic once my practicum was complete. I also didn’t get much training about queer-affirming practice during grad school. And here’s where a focus on queer-affirming therapy took shape for me. I thank texts like Erotically Queer for presenting a literal guide for therapists to both understand and engage with such a framework.

More must-have titles for the thoughtful sex therapist

Here are some other books that have been getting me pretty fired up, whether it’s in audiobook format (one of my favourite ways to ingest a book is via audio, during my morning latté and looking out the window) or as an e-book, or a good ‘ole fashioned hardcopy.

Halal Sex: The Intimate Lives of Muslim Womxn in North America

by Sheima Benembarek.

This was gifted to me by my husband, and once I opened it, I couldn’t put it down. A series of essays from womxn and their varied experiences of sex and sexuality. They’re a mix of witty, charming, sad, and enlightening and offer a glimpse of what it‘s like to explore sex against a backdrop of faithful and familial expectations. From Penguin Randomhouse.

A Clinician’s Guide to Gender-Affirming Care: Working with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Clients

by Sand C. Chang, Anneliese A. Singh and lore m. dickey. 

Much like Erotically Queer, this is a must for any therapist who values queer-affirming care as a pillar in their practice. From New Harbinger Publications.

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good

by adrienne maree brown.

Did you ever start reading a book and think, ‘ughhh this is so good what the heck was I doing when this was all happening? Was my head in the damn sand?’ Well, that was my reaction to these essays. There is so much generational and community scholarship in these pages that I marvel at brown’s mind and knowledge. During each essay, I found myself pausing and googling so many references, going down some amazing rabbit holes. This is a book best coupled with a big mug of tea. From AK Press.

Falling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls

by Kai Cheng Thom.

I recently came across the work and amazing activism of artist and writer, Kai Cheng Thom. A poetic series of personal essays that are uplifting and act as a salve to the world around us. From Penguin Randomhouse.

Smitten: Romantic obsession, the neuroscience of limerence, and how to make love last

by Dr. Tom Bellamy. 

I’ve had a substantial amount of clients come to me, worrying about having a ‘crush’ – ‘what should I do about it?’, ‘Should I tell my partner?’, ‘Why can't I stop thinking about this person?’. When I explain limerence, their shoulders relax. Smitten is now my go-to client resource when they want to learn more about what they’re feeling and how they can navigate it. Bellamy also hosts an adjunct website, Living With Limerence, with a slew of resources to access. From Penguin Randomhouse.

And so it goes in another chapter of ‘What would Sonya read?’ If you’re looking to be inspired not just as a sex therapist, or any type of therapist, but also as a caring, curious human, these titles are a great place to start. Also, support local. Grab them from your local indie bookstore (many will order a title if they don’t already carry it), direct from the author, or even from the library.