Why attend a retreat for Sex Therapists

As I sit amidst all the work that goes into hosting my first retreat, I need to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this for my peers and colleagues: because we need it.

Every single day there is a landslide of bad news, radiating out from the local to the global. And every day I wonder how do we all get past the feelings of hopelessness? And then I’m reminded by many others of the ways we can stay connected. I’m part of a few listservs that are focused on the values that matter to me, including justice, sexuality, community. In between the bad news snippets are uplifting email updates of the various ways my peers are staying connected to each other. I’m often in awe of how much emotional and mental labour my peers are willing and capable of expending.

This is all still a bit removed for me (so.many.emails.) So I decided to start something that’s meaningful to me and a particular group of healers, a retreat for sex therapists. I was missing something in my life after I stopped organizing sexual art events; lemme tell you: there was a void, people. And as the forces around us do their thing, I can’t be the only one feeling it. For those in the field that are close to burnout, to disconnection, to apathy. I want to invite people to walk amidst the crunchy leaves of a lush forest to start the day, and return to commune, rejuvenated and ready to foster a (hopefully) tight-knit community that is focused on pleasure. The importance of locating pleasure cannot be understated, especially now. When we can locate inner, personal joy (sexual or non) it becomes easier for us as sex therapists to spread that goodness to those around us – family, friends, clients.

What to expect at a retreat for Sex Therapists

I’d love to say I have my finger on the pulse of what a Sex Therapist Retreat looks like, but seeing as this is my first time arranging one and I’ve yet to find one elsewhere, I’m going by past experience in community building, suggestions by peers, and a tonne of research. Remember, this is a retreat, not a conference. It’s rest and recharge surrounded by forest, not the go-go-go of a conference in a windowless building. What I can say with confidence is that attendees can expect to engage five senses, and maybe even some more. What does this look like?

• touch/feel: your hands in the cool moss of the rich earth or your fingers in the brook; the warm sun on your cheeks or the light breeze whispering around you.

• hear: birds in the morning; the laughter of your peers; golden silence.

• see: a group of people in real space, gathering to chat and learn.

• smell: fresh air, morning coffee, the last remnants of blooms.

• taste: thoughtful slow food prepared just for you.

Have you picked up on my love of the analog yet? I want us to put away all our devices and engage with the real, fleshy world we inhabit.

How to know if this retreat is for you

Are there times when you realize you’ve been staring out the window, zoned out after a day full of client sessions? Disconnected from your own pleasures or desires, despite helping your clients find theirs? Even if you’ve laid work boundaries for yourself (I leave my phone in my office after my final client of the day), do you feel a drained, and avoid committing to plans? I can say yes to all these things, even when I’m feeling fine. But sometimes, something is just… missing. I recovered some of what that was last year at another retreat, when I realized, ‘ohhhhh, so this is what balance feels like’. I had gone to the retreat not knowing what to expect, more curious about the educational component, and thinking the forest bit was just a nice bonus. Nuh-uh. It was the forest part that made it for me. The gathering of various therapists from across the country coupled with the time amongst the trees were the things I needed. That feeling when an elusive puzzle piece clicks so perfectly into place. This is the main reason I’ve enlisted a certified Shinrin Yoku guide to set the pace and tone for the retreat.

What are some questions to ask yourself (or me) about this retreat

• do you like learning and exploding ideas, new and old, in the field of sex therapy?

• are you feeling isolated as a private practitioner, having spent the last 5+ years in front of a screen?

• do you want to feel permission to slow down?

• are you tired of people getting excluded from shared spaces?

• want to get away from your screen and go touch grass?

• (this one I say a lot): are you looking for a shared sense of community? (Mia Mingus has an excellent write up of what ‘community’ can often mean; I love a good problematizing of a popular concept).

• have you lost or dimmed your pleasure?

What’s included at this Sex Therapist Retreat

First and foremost, this particular Sex Therapist Retreat will include discussions about sex (shocking, I know). Also included: restorative forest bathing; delicious, healthy meals; guest speaker talks, educational seminars, explorations of what's current in the field of sex therapy; theme-relevant movies nights; knowledge sharing; and community building for long-lasting relationships.

So this is where I’m currently at – a place of intense planning that gets me excited to meet new people, share ideas, and (here it comes again)… connect. The retreat applications are live. The registrants are now signing up. The Guest Speakers are finalized. The itinerary is cooking. Plus a million other things behind the scenes. All with the intention that we, as sex therapists, do best: find pleasure.

Ready to explore that with me, surrounded by a lush Quebec forest? Check out kokoroquebec.ca to learn more.